What I've learned from negotiating with myself
Life is a series of negotiations, and often, the most challenging negotiations are those we have with ourselves. These internal deliberations are influenced by our past, our values, and our aspirations. For me, two phases distinctly reflect this: my upbringing with a resilient Indian mum and my recent foray into an alcohol-free challenge.
As a child, every purchase, whether at a store or a response to a quote for a service, was an opportunity for negotiation. My mum, with her delightful concoction of Punjabi, and hand gestures, often coaxed me to ask for discounts or better deals. While some might see this as just haggling, to me, it was a masterclass in understanding value, assertiveness, and oftentimes, the art of persistence.
Fast forward to my recent personal challenge: a deliberate choice to go alcohol-free. Not out of necessity, but out of curiosity. Could I still enjoy social settings without my familiar glass of vino?
Both these scenarios, though vastly different, plunged me into deep internal negotiations. The child in the store, dying from embarrassment and wishing for invisibility, mirrored the adult at a dinner party, without alcohol, navigating peer perceptions and personal resolutions.
So, what have these experiences taught me about negotiating with myself?
Understanding the 'Why': Just as my mum had her reasons for asking for discounts, I had my reasons for the no-alcohol challenge. Understanding the 'why' gives weight to our decisions. It's the foundation upon which our internal negotiations stand.
Embracing Discomfort: The discomfort I felt translating my mum's requests was palpable. Today, turning down a drink at a social gathering evokes a similar feeling. But here's the revelation: it's in discomfort that our growth resides. Embracing discomfort has allowed me to navigate these negotiations with resilience.
Visualising the Outcome: As a child, every successful negotiation meant a happy mum and a lesson learned. With my no-alcohol challenge, the desired outcome is personal growth and new experiences. By keeping the end goal in mind, the journey becomes clearer, and negotiations, more purposeful.
Consistency is Key: Negotiating with oneself is not a one-time event; it's a continuous process. Just as every big purchase with my mum was a new lesson, every day of my alcohol-free challenge is a step towards self-growth. Consistency, even in the face of setbacks, is essential.
Seek Support: My mum, with her undeterred spirit, was my guiding light during those early negotiations, when I was too embarrassed make the ask, she didn’t let her broken English stop her from asking. In my current challenge, the support of friends and the larger community plays a similar role. Sharing our journey and seeking support makes internal negotiations less daunting.
Celebrate the Wins: Every successful negotiation, be it a discount or a day without alcohol, is a win. Celebrating these victories, however small, reinforces our commitment and motivates us for future challenges.
Negotiating with oneself is a journey of self-discovery. It's about understanding our values, confronting our fears, and making decisions that align with our goals. My childhood experiences and my no-alcohol challenge have been profound teachers. They've shown me that the most crucial negotiations don't always involve others; often, they're the ones we have with ourselves.
And as I continue on this path of self-negotiation, one thing is clear: It's not about the outcome, be it a discount or a day without wine. It's about the journey, the insights gained, and the person we become in the process.